Resuscitate Me Read online

  She leaned back in her stool and narrowed her gaze at me, as if staring long enough would somehow magically answer her unasked questions. She wasn’t judging me—at least I didn’t think she was. Danni had never made me feel bad for any decision I made. Then again, she’d been fucking my brother in my house when she’d stay the night. How the hell no one ever found out is beyond me. They kept that shit under wraps for years.

  “Just say it, Danni. Stop staring and ask whatever you want to know.”

  “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. That’s all. I know you…and I know how emotionally attached women get after sleeping with someone. I’d be really upset if this was nothing but a game for him.” Her worry warmed me…as in pissed me off until my skin was on fire.

  “It is what it is, Danni. I’m here for a couple months, so it’s not that big of a deal. I’m not looking for a relationship and neither is he. I’m just having fun. But I appreciate your concern.” After hearing her tell me she thought we’d somehow drifted apart, it took every ounce of restraint to keep my tone void of any irritation.

  “So if you never see him again, you’ll be perfectly fine with it?”

  “Absolutely.” That was such a lie, but I wasn’t about to tell her how desperate I was to see him again in the morning when I went to the gym. Or how I prayed he’d take me back to one of the private rooms for an encore.

  “Please tell me he wore a condom.”

  “I’m not an idiot.” It seemed my restraint wore out and my aggravation reared its ugly head. “This isn’t my first rodeo, you know.”

  “So why was he in the gym? Does everyone who works there get keys and have to go fix alarms after hours?”

  I lifted an eyebrow and tried to hide my smirk, but I failed miserably. My giddiness over Carter won out over the attitude I wanted to hold onto with Danni. “He owns the gym. Apparently, some battery in the alarm died—I don’t know; I didn’t ask questions—and he had to replace it.”

  “Sounds convenient.”

  “Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t. But I don’t really care.” I’d have to tell myself that a few more times before I believed it, but that wasn’t the point. As long as she believed my lies, it didn’t matter. “I haven’t been fucked in so long. I think I deserved it.”

  “What? You and what’s his face just broke up like six months ago. What’s your definition of a long time?”

  I waved her off and turned my attention to the package of muffins on the counter. Ripping it open and taking one, I said, “I don’t mean sex. I mean fucking. The kind of primal mating you see in the wild. Last time I’d gotten any of that had to have been in college when I was dating Rory. Every other guy I’ve dated has either been a two-pump-chump or more into the romance than a chick on the rag with a copy of The Notebook. You should be happy for me. I’m going to be feeling Carter for days.”

  She did nothing but blink at me while she watched me shove half the blueberry muffin into my mouth. She regarded me the way she used to when we were younger and I’d say something stupid. When she wanted to laugh but was too dumbfounded by my idiocy to do anything other than gawk at me.

  “You’re the one who wanted to ‘dish.’” I used my pinky fingers to doggy ear the word since my others were sticky. “Don’t look at me like that. Just because you’re not getting any doesn’t mean no one else can.”

  “I’m going to regret this…but tell me about it. Was it good?”

  “Unbelievable.” I rolled my eyes to the back of my head and slumped my shoulders as I elongated the word. It was a bit excessive, yet still didn’t come close to describing how amazing it was. “The man has magic fingers and a dick comparable to crack.”

  “How can you compare those two?”

  “What? Dick and crack? Easy. They’re both highly addictive.”

  “Have you ever had crack?” She wasn’t asking out of curiosity. She voiced it in a way of saying I couldn’t compare anything to a substance I’d never had before. Understandable, but I didn’t agree.

  “Not the point, big sis. You’re missing the big picture here.”

  “Which is…?”

  “I just had the best fuck of my life. Where’s my pat on the back? Where’s my high five or ‘atta girl? Be excited for me. I was excited for you when you found out you were pregnant with Logan.”

  “Now you’re comparing getting laid to me having a child… Are you still drunk?”

  “There’s a slight possibility. But I don’t know if I’m just giddy from getting off five times…” I held up five fingers and mouthed, five. “Or if it’s still lingering effects of the wine. Or if I’m beyond exhausted and already into the delirious stage.”

  She got up from the barstool and made her way to the fridge. She came back and slammed a cold plastic bottle in front of me. “Drink some more water. And when you’re done, tell me real things about him.”

  I shoved the rest of the muffin into my mouth, licked my fingers, and chugged the bottle of water. By the time I finished, Danni was on the counter facing me, waiting patiently for me to “dish” about Carter.

  I told her about his gym, how we met, and every salacious detail about the sex. When I told her about his modeling career, she became very interested and made me do a Google search of his name.

  “These have to be the hottest shots I’ve ever seen in my life,” she practically moaned as I flipped through the images on my screen. Carter’s perfect ass in boxer briefs. Carter without a shirt on, jeans slung low on his sinful hips. A well-defined forearm resting against a stark white pillow, the wrist adorned with a watch worth more than my entire yearly income.

  “How do you even know that one is him?” she asked of the watch ad.

  I pointed to the screen and swallowed back the saliva pooled beneath my tongue. “I’d know that hand anywhere. And see these tattoos? They’re his. I’ve only ever been able to see the one on his arm up to his shirtsleeve, and the one on his leg disappears beneath his shorts. I always wondered where they ended.”

  “Seems to me they don’t end.” Danni gawked at my phone and began scrolling for more.

  They didn’t end. Ink covered the entire right side of his body. Starting at his wrist, it trailed up his arm to his shoulder, wrapped around one side of his chest and back, down one side of his body, and ended at his ankle. The only thing I wasn’t able to tell from the photo is if there was a break between his waist and the top of his thigh.

  It was an answer I needed to know.

  “Wait.” She lowered the phone and stared at me with concerned eyes. “How do you sleep with someone and have no clue what their body looks like? You just said you’ve only seen the tattoos on his arm up to his sleeve, and the ones on his leg up to the bottom of his shorts.”

  “He was behind me, and he didn’t drop his pants.”

  “He had sex with his pants on?”

  I wanted to laugh at her, but then I’d have to think of her and my brother getting it on, and I wasn’t okay with that. Tommy was the only guy she’d ever been with, so I couldn’t necessarily fault her for her lack of experience. “He unzipped his pants, freed himself, and viola. Easy access.”

  “Did you keep your clothes on, too?” Her genuine interest was obvious.

  I sighed and rolled my head from shoulder to shoulder. “No. My jeans were at my ankles and my top was pulled up. Why do you want to know these things? Seems like a very odd thing to ask. And it makes me worried you’re picturing me having sex right now.”

  “Maybe a little.” She held her finger and thumb close together and peered through the tiny gap at me. “But only because I’m trying to understand how you could’ve had the best naughty of your life and yet you still don’t know what he looks like without clothes.”

  “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just refer to sex as naughty.”

  She waved me off and went back to scrolling through the images of Carter on my phone. “He looks well endowed.”

  “Where?” I snatched the phone from her
hands. “This is David Beckham.”

  “You seriously don’t even know how big he is?”

  “Look at you getting all interested in his manhood.” I patted her knee the way I’d pat one of my students on the head when they got an answer right. Totally patronizing, but I didn’t care. “I never saw it, but I most certainly felt it. It took me a minute to adjust, so that means something. And there were times I didn’t think I could take it any longer…that’s when he’d rip another orgasm out of me.”

  “Shiver me timbers,” she whispered and shook her shoulders like she’d just sucked on a lemon.

  It was my turn to gawk at her while blinking repetitively. “On that note…I’m going to bed now.” I walked away, leaving her on the counter while I mumbled under my breath, “And you’re the one who made me say the F-word for the first time.”

  Her giggles followed me until I closed my bedroom door.

  Lying in my bed, I continued to search through his pictures, admiring the body I hadn’t yet seen in real life. As much as I loved the way he’d handled me tonight, I really wished I could’ve gotten a better visual of him. Just thinking of running the tip of my tongue over the lines of ink had me curling up under the covers. In the midst of a very vivid fantasy involving Carter in boxer briefs wearing a fancy watch, my phone vibrated in my hand with an incoming text.

  Carter: My shoulder smells like your hair.

  Danni had the air set low at night, and the ceiling fan in my room was on high, yet that still didn’t keep my body from igniting in flames when I read his message…over and over again. My cheeks ached from the smile I couldn’t wipe away.

  Me: Why are you smelling your shoulder?

  Carter: Because it smells like you.

  My heart rate picked up, my chest tightened, and when my phone vibrated for a different reason, all the air was sucked out of the room. His name flashed across the screen as his call came through. Finally, before my voicemail could pick up, I answered it.

  “I meant my shirt. Not my actual shoulder. I’m not sniffing my arm.” His hearty voice rolled through the line and drifted into my ear. I could practically feel it reverberate through my body like ripples on a calm lake.

  “Thanks for clarifying that for me.”

  “Didn’t want you thinking I was over here sniffing my armpits.”

  I couldn’t even think of his shoulder without imagining the ink I knew was there. “So I looked up some of your modeling portfolio tonight after I got home. Danni was awake and wanted to know how my night was. We ended up doing a Google search of you. I must say, Carter Hastings, I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get to see much of you tonight.”

  “I like to leave a little to the imagination.”

  “Then you probably shouldn’t pose in nothing but underwear.”

  His airy chuckles filled the line just before he said, “Touché.”

  There were a few moments of silence, and it made me uncomfortable. Here was this man who I’d let do wicked things to my body just a couple of hours ago, and yet we had nothing to talk about. It was okay for me to be quiet—I wasn’t outgoing without alcohol, and I wasn’t about to grab a drink just to talk on the phone. Carter seemed to be the one overflowing with confidence, which was why his silence confused me.

  “Did you really have to change a battery at the gym tonight?” I bit my lip and buried half my face into the soft pillow. I was never good in moments like these, when I became compelled to start conversation. I always seemed to choose the wrong thing to say.

  “Why else would I have gone there?” His tone was soft, making me believe he was laying down, too, but there was a slight edge to his question. It almost made me flinch in anticipation of his quick temper.

  “I don’t know…to get me alone in the gym?”

  I was about to redact my assumption when he spoke up, not giving me time to take it back. “If my goal was to get you alone, don’t you think I would’ve taken you back to my house? Where I have a bed? Workout machines aren’t exactly an aphrodisiac.”

  “Maybe you don’t like people to know where you live.”

  “True…I don’t. But still, I would’ve chosen my office over the private room.”

  I rolled onto my back and stared at the shadows cast by the moonlight dancing on the ceiling. I should’ve dropped the conversation and ended the call before I pissed him off…or before I could no longer believe the lies I tried to tell myself. I huffed out an exasperated sigh, breaking the silence, and then said, “You didn’t answer my question, Carter.”

  “You were there when I got the call from the security company. You went with me to buy the battery, and you were there when I went to the back to replace it. But if you need me to verbally clarify it for you, then yes. I really had to replace the battery in the alarm panel.”

  His attitude struck a chord with me. He wasn’t angry like I’d seen him before, although he was definitely offended. I hadn’t meant to upset him or accuse him of anything, even though I could understand how my question might’ve come across that way. I needed to make it right before I solidified his decision to never speak to me again.

  “I’m sorry, Carter. Danni said something earlier and I—”

  “You came on to me, Kara.” His abrupt statement silenced my apology and forced it to singe my tongue. “You asked me to lie down on the bench. You came and sat on me. What did you think was gonna happen? If for some reason you got the impression I’m an upstanding guy who’d turn away a hot woman straddling my lap, you’re wrong. I’ve thought about fucking you since the day I met you. I’d be a fool if I turned you away tonight.”

  Blood and oxygen left my brain. Sharp ringing filled my ears as I grew lightheaded and off kilter. I had to grip the sheet just to make sure I wasn’t floating away or falling off the bed. In one breath, he put me in my place, essentially blaming me for what had happened earlier tonight—honestly, it was my fault. And in the next, he offered me the crudest, hottest compliment I’d ever received. Every woman wants to feel wanted. It’s even better when a muscled, tattooed god admits to wanting to fuck her. We definitely shouldn’t feel that way or even make it a goal to see how many men fantasize about getting in our pants, but for whatever reason, our built-in insecurities leave us with that unexplainable desire.

  “I said I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  His rushed exhale slammed into my ear, and all I could think about was what he looked like. How he was lying in bed. I wondered if he slept with just a sheet or if he had the comforter pulled up. I tried to imagine what kind of pillow he used—hard or soft—and how many he had on his bed. What size bed he had, and how many women had been in it. I had to shake it off after the last question popped into my head…I didn’t need to worry about that.

  “Does this mean you regret it?”

  I wanted to believe I heard at least a hint of hurt in his voice. I tried to tell myself the thought of me regretting being with him caused him a little bit of pain. Maybe it was there, or maybe it was just my wishful thinking, because when I played his question back in my head, all I heard was irritation sifted through fury.

  “No. That’s not what I’m saying. Listen…this got out of hand. I allowed Danni to get inside my head and fill me with insecurities. I shouldn’t have said anything. In reality, if this is something you do, your signature move of getting into women’s pants, it’s not like I can do anything about it now. You’ve already gotten in mine. And if it’s not, if you were just a man taking advantage of my very brazen advances, well…then I guess I got what I wanted. Either way, I shouldn’t have allowed my sister to fill me with doubt, nor should I have asked you what your motives were. They’re really none of my business.”

  He released a few ragged breaths, but once he started talking, I realized they were laughter instead of frustrated sighs. “It is kinda your business, Kara. You have the right to know the motivations behind someone you’ve had sex with. It’s your body. If someone fucked you to win a bet, that conce
rns you. If he did it because he thinks his manhood rides on how many tally marks he has on his belt, you should know. And if he buried himself in you because there wasn’t enough manpower in the world to keep him away, you need to know so you don’t ever doubt yourself.”

  For someone so damn confident and seemingly straightforward, he spoke in riddles. But I wasn’t about to ask him for clarification. He no longer sounded annoyed or pissed off and I didn’t care to throw lighter fluid on that simmering fire.

  “I didn’t ask you out tonight to get in your pants.” His words were soft again, slightly muffled, so I closed my eyes and imagined we were in bed together talking. “That’s not who I am, and I didn’t assume you were the kinda girl who’d let that happen. But you really surprised me tonight, Kara. I never expected you were hiding such a sexy vixen behind your veil of composure.”

  “Yeah, well…wine does that to me.”

  “You do realize now I’m gonna make sure you have wine every time I see you, right?”

  “Great.” I dragged out the word to punctuate my feigned enthusiasm. “I’ll go back home an alcoholic, and possibly, a sex addict. And I’ll have you to blame.”

  “No need to blame me. You can just thank me,” he teased with soft, whispering chuckles. When his humor faded away, he sounded on the verge of falling asleep. “Tell me about Danni. What’d y’all talk about when you got home?”

  I told him about our conversation, leaving out the specifics I’d shared. He didn’t interrupt me as I spoke, so to keep from having to deal with awkward silence, I just kept talking. I explained our history together, about how we were best friends before she fell in love with my brother, which led to talking about Tommy. I told Carter about Tommy’s deployment and how hard it was not to show Danni my concerns and fears.

  In the midst of my rambling, he growled into the phone. I paused to see if he had something to add, and when he didn’t, I continued. Until he growled again. This time, I stopped talking altogether and listened to his deep, even breathing. That’s when I realized it wasn’t a growl but a snore, and Carter had fallen asleep.