Resuscitate Me Page 8

  In a move of total exasperation, he threw his head back, blew out a rushed breath of air, and propped his hands on his hips while slowly pivoting until his back was to me. I waited in silence for him to finish staring out the windows and face me again, but it didn’t happen. So I took the time to clarify a few things before leaving his office—and him—behind.

  “If you’re used to women who are okay with only hearing from you when you’re in the mood to get your dick wet, then I feel sorry for you. Having someone to talk to, to text when she’s on your mind, to hang out with during downtime, isn’t a commitment. It doesn’t make it a relationship. To me, it’s a friendship. The term is ‘friends with benefits,’ Carter, not ‘people I hardly speak to with benefits.’ I’m not a free escort—despite my forwardness last weekend. You can’t just hire me when you’re ready and then leave me in the wind when you’re not. I’m not okay with that. And if you believe that makes me needy then the problem is with you, buddy. Not me.”

  “That’s not…” He shook his head, his frustration obvious in the way he gripped his hips. He expelled a gurgled grunt and slowly turned to face me again. His stare pierced through me and silenced any thoughts I had. “You have it all wrong. Your depiction of me couldn’t be further from the truth if you tried.”

  His gaze dropped again, and it helped me understand him better. He had moments where he came off strong, argumentative. And those were the times he’d glare, when his forehead would heavily crease and his brows would pull together. That’s when he became defensive, reacting like a caged animal. He also had a passionate side to him. Those were the times I truly believed he had some interest in me—sexual or otherwise. His voice would dip low, scratchy, and his eyes would ignite into a smoldering forest fire.

  But now, he’d given me a glimpse of the weaknesses he hid behind his armor.

  Carter Hastings was certainly unlike anyone I’d ever met before.

  He went beyond three dimensional.

  “Then explain it to me.” I found myself floating across the floor toward him. I don’t recall my feet moving, but somehow, I ended up so close to him his scent became an inescapable cocoon around me.

  He settled his hands on my hips without once meeting my eyes. His thumbs swept graceful circles along my lower abdomen, eliciting fluttering excitement deep within my core. It was in complete contrast to the dismal thoughts racing through my mind and the painful knot lodged in my throat.

  I carefully took his face in my hands and lifted it until he looked at me. I could tell he didn’t want to, but I hadn’t given him a choice. I needed to see him, needed to observe his eyes while we talked, because I couldn’t let him close himself off any more than he already had.

  And what I found in his dark, hooded eyes extinguished the currents of self-preservation, telling me to run from the room. “Explain it to me, Carter.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “I’m not used to this back and forth shit.” His jaw was hard and set, yet his words were soft, floating through the air like soot-covered feathers. “The misunderstanding and wrongful assumptions keep getting in the way. And I know I’m to blame for it as much as you are.”

  I lifted my eyebrows to express to him it was okay to continue, and my shoulder went with it. Apparently, I was incapable of offering a silent response without shrugging. Every time I did it in his presence, I became more aware of it.

  And more annoyed with it.

  “When I said needy women, I wasn’t talking about you. I meant the ones who expect me to put them before work. The ones who want to spend twenty out of twenty-four hours together. You haven’t given me any reason to believe you fall into that category. I just… I’m not…” He pinched his lips together and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, I saw clarity spread through his emerald pools. “I’m not used to this, Kara. None of it.”

  “Not used to what? That’s what I don’t understand.” I again worried he had taken my words out of context, that I’d somehow led him to believe I wanted something more from him, and that was the reason for his hesitation. “I understand you have no desire to have a relationship of any kind, and I’m sure the things I’ve said sound like that’s what I’m after. But I promise you, Carter, I’m in complete agreement with you. I only want to enjoy myself this summer. I want something to remember when I get back to my life in North Carolina.”

  “I know what you’re saying. I hear it loud and clear. A summer of fun between two people incapable of being together, two people who agree on a no-strings-attached relationship. But those things never work out that way, Kara. Friends with benefits always ends with a broken heart. And I hate to say this, because I don’t want you to think I’m saying anything about you, but it’s typically the female. Women—through no fault of their own—become attached quickly, and before you know it, feelings are involved and I’m left looking like the bad guy while you’re curled into a ball crying.”

  “Gee…thanks for the vote of confidence.” My hands fell away from his face and I took a step back. I didn’t get far, though, because he reached out and grabbed my arm. He laced his fingers through mine and pulled me closer.

  He leaned against his desk and parted his legs to situate me between them. The shadows dancing in his eyes filled with hesitation and indecisiveness. “I don’t mean you as in…you. I mean women in general. You can’t stand here and tell me I’m wrong.”

  “No, you’re absolutely correct. Women do become emotionally attached faster than men. In some cases, men remain completely emotionless. But to treat me like a free piece of ass simply because you’re worried I’ll get my heart broken is asinine.”

  “I don’t think I’ve treated you like a free piece of ass.”

  “When you pick and choose when you want to acknowledge me, you make me feel like one. If the company you hired to expand the gym only came around when they felt like it, or when it was time to collect money, would you be okay with it?”

  “That’s apples and oranges, Kara. I pay them.”

  I waved my hands in front of his face and shook my head. “Whatever. I can’t think of something to compare this to for you to understand. If a woman only came around you when she wanted to get laid, you wouldn’t give two shits. So I can’t even use that to make you understand.”

  “You don’t need to compare anything. I get what you’re saying. I don’t agree with it, but it’s your opinion and feelings, so I can’t really argue. You want something I don’t know how to give. And what I want makes you feel cheap and used.”

  I stepped away from him, moving so fast he didn’t have a chance to detain me. My emotions had taken a ride on a rollercoaster since stepping foot in the gym this morning, and I didn’t think I could take any more. I wanted to punch something, yell, scream, fight. But the one thing I knew for sure was I didn’t want to walk out that door. There was something about him, something hidden beneath his protective shield, that told me not to leave just yet.

  So I listened.

  I decided to stay and fight.

  “Then tell me what you want, Carter.”

  He hadn’t moved from his desk. His hands twisted in the empty space between his legs, his foot bounced on the floor, but his eyes tracked my every move. He patiently waited for me to still before answering. “I wanna see you, maybe hang out from time to time. I like talking to you. And I sure as hell like fucking you. But I do not wanna hurt you.”

  “You call and we stay up late talking—you’ve even fallen asleep on the phone with me once. And then I barely hear from you for however long. When you were gone, you texted me to say hey or tell me something funny…as if I’d been on your mind. And then you came home and went two days without speaking to me, like you’d forgotten all about me. Sometimes when I’m in the gym, you come up to me and talk for a few minutes, or at the very least, give me a smile. Those are the times I feel like you’re happy to see me. Then, the next time I’m in, you throw me a head nod from the other side of the gym.”

  His
face split into a grin, showing off his million-dollar smile. “That was once. And I know you probably don’t believe me, but as soon as I did it, I felt like a fucking idiot. Had I not been in the middle of a meeting, I would’ve gone over and talked to you.”

  I tamped down the boiling rage inside over the humor he found in my rant and carried on with my point. “Regardless, it’s insulting. The whole thing is nothing but a damn ping-pong game. One day you want me with you on your side, the next you don’t and swat me away. You say you don’t want to hurt me…so tell me, Carter, how do you think that makes me feel?”

  His smile had fallen away as soon as I started talking again, although he still hadn’t moved. “I don’t do it on purpose, believe it or not. But I honestly have never thought about it that way. I get busy and forget about the world. I wasn’t lying when I said I think about you all the time. I do. I just don’t think to do anything about it. I’m not used to a…relationship like this.”

  It was my turn to find humor in his words. Even though he’d spoken with noticeable turmoil, I couldn’t stop the giggles from rolling out. “You call this a relationship? I wouldn’t even call it a friendship.”

  “Considering I don’t have female friends, and I don’t spend hours on the phone with my guys, what else should I call it?”

  “You don’t have female friends?”

  He shook his head and crooked a brow at me. “I told you I don’t know what I’m doing here, that I’ve never done this before. I wasn’t lying. I haven’t dated anyone in years. Since then, when I hang out with women, I don’t carry on conversations with them over the phone, and the only time I send them text messages is when I wanna meet up. So this has already gone beyond what I usually do.”

  “Why?” My voice—nothing but air—swallowed up the word, but it was all I could give with the way my chest grew tight and my throat closed up.

  He finally got up from where he sat on his desk and stalked toward me, forcing me backward until my ass hit the wall. My head thudded against the plaster, and the small amount of space between us afforded me a visual of his tortured expression. Carter had a way of turning me into a naïve, love-struck teenager who lacked the intelligence to know when she was getting played. And that was the last thing I wanted. However, staring up at him, witnessing the affliction in his eyes, my resolve to fight withered away. In its place grew a need to believe him…whatever he had to say.

  “You’re only here for a short period of time. I don’t wanna waste it ignoring you. I’ve never been with anyone under a time restraint before, so I’ve never had a reason to put forth any effort.” He ran his hand up my chest and carefully closed his fingers around my neck, preventing me from looking away. “I wanna put effort into you, Kara. I just don’t know how. Where’s the line drawn between no-strings and a relationship? And how do we keep from crossing it?”

  “I think the line’s wherever you want it to be,” I whispered, unable to find my voice. “Regardless, in two months, I’m getting on a plane and going back to Linville. To my job, my life. Whatever we end up being has an expiration date. It will end. So it shouldn’t matter where that line is. As long as we both understand the limits, respect the rules, and have fun, there won’t be any problems. No broken hearts. No expectations. No hurt feelings.”

  His only response was to crash his lips into mine. It was hasty and bruising. When he parted my mouth with his and swept his tongue inside, my entire body zinged with electricity. My nipples pebbled beneath my sports bra, adding a new dimension of desire coursing through me.

  He took the backs of my legs in his fierce grip and lifted me. My spine scraped against the wall, the muted pain intensifying the warm tingles spreading out from the apex of my thighs.

  Moans slipped out.

  Growls superseded breaths and sighs.

  We devoured each other like animals.

  “Carter… Carter, wait,” I gasped out after he rubbed his erection against my clit through our clothes. We were both in gym shorts, so the fabric was thin and left little to the imagination. I could feel every hard inch of him, unlike before. I didn’t want him to stop, but all I could think about was his office door being unlocked.

  He covered my mouth with his again, silencing my pleas, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. His tongue battled with mine as his dick took me higher and higher. He pulled one hand away and used it to palm my breast. He kneaded it with his fingers, rough and unrelenting. When I squeezed my legs around his waist, he pinched my nipple.

  I cried out, but he swallowed the sound. He responded by bucking against me faster until starbursts ignited behind my closed eyes. I gripped his shoulders with so much force it wouldn’t surprise me if I broke the skin beneath his shirt. My ankles locked behind him and I pulled his hips into mine as far as they would go, riding out the blinding waves of pleasure.

  “I won’t be satisfied until I’ve gotten you off in every corner of this gym.” His gravelly voice and the hairs on his chin grated along my jaw, abrading my skin. “I’ll never be able to work in this office again without thinking of the way you scream when you come.”

  When the fog of seduction drifted away and I floated down to reality, I became extremely conscious of his unrelieved erection between us. I skimmed my fingers down the ripples of his chest to the space where we were joined.

  “No. Don’t touch me, Kara.” He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away.

  “Why not?”

  He smirked and ran the tip of his nose along mine. “Because I barely have a handle on it right now. If you touch me, I’ll lose it. And I don’t have a spare change of clothes with me today. I can’t deal with the contractor with come stains on my shorts.”

  I unlocked my ankles and dropped to my feet. “Then let me take care of that for you. I won’t leave any behind, I swear.” I tried my best to sound sexy and assertive, but nothing could hide the way my modesty colored my cheeks. To prevent him from seeing, I started to lower myself in front of him. But he stopped me by grabbing my upper arms and pinning me against the wall.

  “As much as I’d love nothing more than to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, I can’t right now. I have meetings lined up all day. In fact, I have one out there waiting for me as we speak.” He released me and quickly turned around, preventing me from getting a good look at his erection. “I just need a few minutes to calm down. Tell me what Logan ate for breakfast.”

  A smile crept up and refused to go away. I followed Carter to his desk and sat in a chair across from him. “Will I ever be able to see your whole tattoo?”

  He peered up at me with his head in his hands, his elbows on top of the desk. “You already told me you’ve seen the pictures.” At the angle his head was tilted, I couldn’t see his mouth, but I could see the mirth in his eyes. His smile lines deepened, his lids closed a few degrees, and all I could picture was the smirk I knew he wore on his lips.

  “Yeah, but even those still leave a lot to the imagination.”

  “One day, Kara. Hopefully very soon, I’ll have you sprawled out and completely naked.”

  Without realizing it, my top lip curled up into a disgusted scowl. Apparently, I wasn’t very good at hiding the thoughts in my head.

  “I’m sorry, does that idea repulse you?”

  I covered my face with my hands and shook my head. All I wanted was to run out of there screaming, tucking my tail between my aching legs, and hide.

  “Then what’s with the face?”

  I dropped my hands and looked him in the eye. I couldn’t even come up with a quick lie to give him, so I offered the truth instead. “I just don’t know why you’d want to see me naked when you have lingerie models like the one out there flaunting themselves in front of you all day long.”

  Carter cocked his head to the side and narrowed his gaze at me. “You don’t seem like the overly insecure type.”

  “I’m not. I’ve very comfortable in my own skin. But comparatively speaking…”

  “And I’ve alread
y told you there’s no comparison. If I wanted Barbie, or anyone else, I’d go after them. But I don’t. I kinda have my eyes set on you, and I don’t plan on looking anywhere else for the next couple o’ months.”

  “I watched you stand at the front counter for ten minutes while Tits McGee threw herself at you. If you aren’t interested, why didn’t you just walk away? Unless you like the attention… Maybe you get off on having your ego stroked by women who color their hair with Clorox.”

  The corner of his mouth hitched again and the lines next to his eyes fanned out. “I’m not interested. I swear. I’m not just saying that, either. Barbie is the merchandise rep with the gym. I couldn’t just walk away. She handles the clothing line. Her advances go nowhere anyway. She knows this, but for some reason, no matter how many times I turn her down, she still thinks she has a chance with me.”

  “You don’t know your rep’s name?”

  Confusion painted his brow in deep strokes. “I do. Her name is Barbie.”

  “Oh!” My eyes widened, which caused Carter to grin again.

  “Yeah. I thought the same thing when I met her. Her real name is Barbara, but she—for whatever ungodly reason—prefers to go by Barbie. The girls who run the smoothie counter like to call her Babs, but only behind her back. If she hears it, she flips the fuck out.” He shook his head with a breathy laugh blowing past his lips. “If you think I have a bad temper and short fuse, you’ve never seen hers.”

  “Is she still out there waiting for you?”

  “Yeah. We were in the middle of discussing a new product when I pulled you in here. She’s probably out there pissing off my staff as we speak.”

  I couldn’t help but be flattered he’d turned his back on a business meeting to talk to me. And then spent even more time getting me off. “How’s your…issue?” I pointed to the top of his desk in the general area of where he hid his erection.