Throne Away Read online

  Luckily, though, Libby had been next to me throughout the hearing, which meant she had paid attention on my behalf. I knew she would fill me in on anything important that I missed, considering that was what she always did. Yet it also meant that I would have to listen to her lectures about how I wasn’t taking this seriously.

  I walked into the palace and immediately headed toward the office in the back that I had taken as mine. We’d done this so many times that I no longer had to wait for Libby; she knew where I would be and would join me when she got there.

  “Were you listening to anything that was said in there?” Libby didn’t bother to hide her irritation from me when she walked in, skipping her usual knock, knock routine.

  “Why would I if I have you to fill me in?”

  I didn’t have to look at her to know her eyes rolled in a full circle. “With or without my being there, you still need to be present during meetings, especially ones that involve the public. If I noticed that you weren’t mentally there, then imagine how many other people noticed the same thing.”

  “I know, Libby, but I just have too much on my mind right now.”

  “Let me guess…Ryan?”

  “No. Well, kind of, but not directly.” I was annoyed that she would assume that, as if I couldn’t possibly have anything else going on in my life. But then I realized that, in a way, it did lead back to Ryan—as most of my thoughts did. “Patrick gave me some disturbing news on the way to the event, so I couldn’t exactly think about anything else.”

  She was quiet for a moment before coming to sit across from me, on the other side of my desk. Worry darkened her eyes when she asked, “What did he tell you?”

  “Apparently, my mother was supposed to marry someone else, but she was betrothed to my father before she could make it down the aisle.” There was more to the story than that, although I wasn’t entirely sure what it was—and I wouldn’t know until I spoke to my mother.

  “Sounds scandalous.” She clearly wanted in on the gossip, though she could probably see on my face that I wasn’t quite ready to give it to her. “How does he even know that?”

  “He said he caught her still communicating with the lad and had to put an end to it.”

  “When was that?”

  I shrugged, not fully knowing that answer.

  “Well, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I don’t think it was a very smart decision on his part to tell you that bit.” She must have picked up on my confusion, because she added, “He has to know that you are going to dig further and use what you can against her to get what you want.”

  I waved her off and rolled my eyes—because she was right, and I didn’t want to acknowledge it. “Whatever, Libby. Are you going to do your job and fill me in on what I missed during the public hearing?”

  “You would be lost without me.” She passed her notebook across the desk. But rather than make me read through her notes, she decided to explain it to me. “If you were paying attention, you would know that your country is rather divided right now. Many people are not happy with the prospect of a woman in charge. The country as a whole is struggling to support the idea of you on the throne.”

  Even though that didn’t necessarily surprise me, it did hurt to hear. It wasn’t like I was a stranger to these people, but it seemed that they were too stuck in the old ways to accept a new direction. Then again, their opposition of my reign was in my favor.

  “Good, maybe one of them could run the country for me. I would happily step aside.”

  “Since when? I thought you’ve always wanted the crown?” Sarcasm dripped from her words like heavy syrup. “Anyway, back to business. I think you need to come up with a strategy to unite everyone again. We have always been a strong unit, which is probably why the monarchy has lasted so long. They are very passionate about the royal family staying in power, but they aren’t keen on you being in charge.”

  “Maybe I should have my mother tell them tough nuggets, too. That seems to be her go-to response anytime I complain about it.” I had started to become convinced that my deep-seated anger toward my mother for the way she responded to me would never go away.

  Libby threw her hands in the air, letting her palms fall to her thighs in a harsh slap that resounded around me. “For the love of my sanity, give up on the pity party already. Okay? Everyone is tired of hearing it. The decision has been made, and there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. Now, focus on the issue at hand—your country needs your strong leadership now more than ever. The sooner you get all of this under control, the easier your reign will be.”

  “Sure thing…do you have any ideas?”

  If I had learned one thing about my cousin since she assumed the role of my lead advisor, it was that she loved to find solutions for problems. I had to admit that she was quite good at it, too. So really, there was never a need to pay attention to things as long as Libby was by my side. Because if an issue was addressed, I could trust that she would find a way to solve it before we even made it back to the car.

  She was definitely in her element as she advised me of what I needed to do and say to unite the people of Ilunabarra. The one good thing that came from it was her obvious enthusiasm. Oddly enough, she had been able to excite me just by listening to her. She was so passionate about what she was saying that I couldn’t help but find myself ready to stand up and do something about it. Perhaps she was right—maybe we really did make a perfect team.

  Neither of my parents had ever been readily available to me, and that would likely never change. But as if fate stepped in and took control, my mother was there when I arrived home from my morning chaos—otherwise known as meetings.

  “Hello, Mother. I was wondering if you had a moment to talk.”

  With concern in her eyes, she set her teacup down and gestured to the chair next to her. “What would you like to talk about, Moira? Whatever it is, it seems serious.”

  Moments like these made me wish that my family were normal, everyday people.

  I took the seat next to her and held my hands in my lap so that I wouldn’t twist my fingers with nervousness. “Did you want the crown? Before you got married, I mean. Was becoming Queen something that you wanted?”

  Her posture softened some—not much, but enough to confirm my suspicion that there was more to the story than what I already knew. “I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I was blessed with a wonderful husband, two beautiful and amazing children, and a purpose that not many others get the chance to have.”

  “That wasn’t what I asked.”

  “Then I suppose I don’t quite understand what you are looking for, Moira.” She did, but she didn’t want to admit it. She and I both knew that to answer my question meant she would have to either divulge the truth or lie, and she had always sworn that she would never lie to me.

  Then again, she had never been in this position.

  “Before you were betrothed to my father, did you want to be Queen?”

  “I believe every little girl dreams of that.”

  I didn’t, but this wasn’t the time to point that out. “What about when you were eighteen?”

  Her nerves began to visibly set in which, surprisingly enough, eased mine. “I don’t recall what I wanted when I was eighteen, sweetheart. That was a very long time ago. But if you are asking, do I regret taking the throne, then my answer is an emphatic no.”

  “I really need you to be honest with me, Mother.” Tears began to stab the backs of my eyes, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to get through this without letting them free. “Stop trying to circle around my question. You know exactly what I am asking, and I need you to be truthful with me. Because right now, it feels like you are my enemy when I desperately need an ally.”

  Her shoulders fell forward slightly, her posture showcasing the emotion that ran through her in this moment. It was the first sign that I just might have gotten through to her. And if I did, that meant there was a chance that she would come to my defens
e in the end.

  After a long sigh, she held my hand in my lap and conceded to the conversation. “When your grandparents arranged the introduction between your father and me, I was in a relationship with another man. So to answer your question, Moira…no, I hadn’t given any thought to becoming the future Queen of Ilunabarra prior to getting married.”

  Even though that wasn’t the full story, at least it opened the door to the possibility of getting it. “Were you excited to be introduced to my father?”

  Her gaze flitted around the room, proving just how much she didn’t want to answer this question. And to me, that said a lot. “I remember being nervous and scared. And surprised.”

  “But not excited? Why not?”

  “Because…I knew the purpose of that introduction. I was dating someone else, so of course I wasn’t excited about meeting your father.”

  Finding suitors for the royal family had been a long-standing tradition that I doubted would ever change or go away. When it was time for the Prince to find a bride, the King and Queen would host a party of sorts. Ilunabarrian citizens who felt that their daughter fit specific criteria would attend, and before the night was over, meetings would have been arranged for a select few. In the end, the King and Queen made the final decision as to whom their son would marry. This tradition didn’t extend to any of the princesses, as they would always have their choice of spouse.

  Except for me.

  My parents would pick my husband.

  “Was your relationship with this other man serious?”

  Again, she hesitated, likely questioning how much she wanted to tell me. “I would have considered it serious, yes. But I am happy with the way my life has turned out. I love your father very much, and I wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

  I had to bite back my sarcastic comment about how happy I was for her, because I would never get the answers I sought if I didn’t. “I understand that, Mother, but I am not asking about now. I am asking about then—when this was all taking place.”

  “I’m not sure what it is that you are asking. You questioned if I wanted the crown, and I have answered you. Then you wanted to know about my previous relationship, to which I have provided an answer for that, too.”

  “You don’t have to assure me that you are grateful for the opportunity that you were given by marrying the future King. I don’t doubt that. You have had long enough to discover that appreciation. I am talking about when this all first took place. You were with another man, in a relationship that you considered serious. You couldn’t have possibly walked away from him that easily.”

  She took a deep breath, but this time, she didn’t appear to be as nervous. If anything, she seemed to be resigned to answering my questions. Maybe she finally understood how important this conversation was to have.

  “You are absolutely right, Moira. I was in love with him. I thought we were going to get married; we practically had our whole lives planned out.” She rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, likely staving off the tears that were present in her voice. “Oh, sweetheart…when I found out that your grandparents had arranged for me to meet the Prince as a possible bride, I was furious. I didn’t want anything to do with it.”

  “Then why did you?”

  She slowly shook her head and said, “Because I didn’t have a choice.”

  “Is that why you keep reminding me that I don’t, either? You weren’t given a choice so that means I don’t get one?”

  “No, that’s not it at all.” The compassion that I saw in her just a moment ago had faded. “It is not up to me, Moira. I don’t make the decisions, and you know that. I am the Queen by marriage. My role is to sit next to your father and give him an heir.” The hostility that came from her was thick.

  “And that’s the life you want for me?”

  “Of course not, but what option do I have?” For a moment—a very brief moment—I felt sorry for her.

  But then I remembered how we had gotten to this point. “I am not the only Coldwell Princess. I am not the only one who can continue the monarchy. There are others, yet you refuse to give anyone else the throne.”

  “Moira Katherine,” she scolded. At least this time, she left off the other names. “I have just explained to you that I don’t have a say in this. Do you honestly think this was my decision, that I somehow concocted this plan?”

  “No, but I do believe that you didn’t voice your concern before the hearing that decided my fate. I do not feel that you came to my defense at all throughout any of this. I have told you many times that this isn’t what I want, yet you have done nothing but tell me that what I want for myself doesn’t matter.”

  She closed her eyes and released a long breath that seemed to have been held in for a while. “You are right. I didn’t object—in public or private. I haven’t considered what you want or don’t want. But that is not because I don’t care, or because I am bitter about my own lack of choice when I was your age.”

  “Then what is it, Mother?”

  “I have already told you, but you weren’t listening because it didn’t answer your question.” She grabbed both of my hands and leaned forward until we were eye-to-eye. “I didn’t want to marry your father. I didn’t want to be the Queen. But now, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have changed a single part of it, because it has given me a life that I never would’ve had otherwise. I have been more than blessed, and I know you will be as well.”

  I could tell that she assumed the conversation was over.

  But I wasn’t ready to drop it just yet.

  “When did you break up with your boyfriend?” I asked, obviously catching her off guard. “Was it as soon as you were announced to wed the future King? Or did you wait until your wedding day?”

  Her chest stopped moving, and she didn’t blink for at least a minute. Then she shook her head and sat back, no longer compassionately gazing into my eyes. “We ended things as soon as the marriage was announced.”

  “And you never spoke to him again?”

  “It’s a small island, Moira. It wasn’t like we could completely avoid one another after that.”

  I had to clench my teeth until the desire to smile in preemptive triumph had dissipated. “Aside from a friendly hello, did you speak to him after you were married?”

  “This is enough, Moira.” She pushed herself to her feet and paused in front of me, as if she had the final word in this conversation. “I have indulged your little fishing expedition long enough. I refuse to sit here and allow you to paint me out to be some harlot or something.”

  “Oh, I wasn’t trying to do that, Mother.” I stood as well, facing her with more confidence than ever. “All I was trying to do was understand you better. I promise.”

  Her disposition softened, and a small grin tugged at her lips.

  “I am simply trying to understand how you can forbid any contact between Ryan and me, yet come to find out, you carried on a secret relationship for years with a man you were in love with.”

  “Years? Where did you hear that?”

  I shrugged, refusing to give up my source. Although, in the event that Patrick was the only other person who knew about it, she might not have that difficult of a time figuring out who had told me.

  “The only reason you are bringing this up is to justify what you did with that American. And I, for one, will not allow it. I have made my mistakes, and I have learned many hard lessons from doing so. All I am trying to do is keep you safe and prevent history from repeating itself. One day, when you are a mother, you might understand a bit better.”

  She didn’t wait around for a rebuttal.

  She said her piece, and then she left.

  Chapter 16

  Ryan

  Getting back to my routine should’ve made it easier to move on. But unfortunately, it only made me even more miserable than I was before going to Ilunabarra.

  It’d been almost a month, and while some parts of life were starting to look up, others only became worse. Such
as Amara and her constant questions and comments.

  Have you heard from Moira—or “Moya,” as she pronounced it.

  You should call the castle and tell the King that you’re sorry.

  When can we go on vacation again?

  You should ask Moira to move here. She can have my bed.

  If you marry Moira, would that make me a princess?

  When I’m the Queen, I’ll give everyone a pony.

  It never ended. Every day, she would say or ask something else, which made it impossible to move on. But who was I kidding? Even if Amara let it go, my emotional wounds would never heal.

  I was in the home office when Amara got home. Mandy had taken her out so I could get things done. Ever since returning from Ilunabarra, I’d wanted to clean out the house. I wanted to rid it of any reminder of Carly. While I understood that she was still Amara’s mother, and she always would be, that didn’t mean we still had to live as if she would come back. Even if she did, I wouldn’t allow her in.

  Never again.

  “Is Moira coming to visit us?” Amara practically screamed as she ran down the hall, looking for me. It didn’t take her long to find me, though, considering I was in the room across from hers. She stopped at the doorway and bobbed up and down on the balls of her feet. “When is she coming, Dad? When will she be here?”

  I was extremely confused as to where she’d gotten this idea. But before I could ask, I had to push away the thought of having Moira around and remind myself of the painful realization that I’d likely never see her again. “Who told you she was coming?”

  “You’re cleaning! The only time you clean like this is when someone comes to visit.”

  “And you automatically thought it was Moira?”

  She nodded eagerly. “Who else could it be? You don’t know anyone else.”

  Pretending that didn’t hurt on a different level, I said, “I’m sorry, sweetie, but Moira isn’t coming. I’m cleaning because it needs to be done. We’ve accumulated quite a bit of junk, and it’s time to get rid of it all.”