A Crowe's Song Page 23

  We made it to the area of the reservoir where the steeple stood proudly out of the water, shining in the late evening sun. It truly was a beautiful sight, although not nearly as beautiful as what we had shared inside. That would, without a doubt, go down in my own personal history as the best kiss imaginable. It would suck to be any guy who came after Drew Wheeler, because those were shoes I doubted anyone could properly fill.

  Using a rope with a metal hook at the end, Drew tied us off to a bright orange floating ball in the middle of the water. When he returned, he must’ve sensed my questioning thoughts, and luckily, he didn’t bother to wait for me to ask before explaining himself. “Anchors aren’t allowed in this part due to the remnants of the town below, so they’ve installed these buoys for boats to connect to. They’re attached to the bottom; this way, there aren’t anchors being dropped all the time, disturbing the area below.”

  We moved to the front of the boat and got comfortable on the blanket and pillows. Thankfully, he’d thought ahead and had extra throws packed away to wrap around us. Even though it was summer, the air held a faint chill, and the lowering sun didn’t help.

  “So, tell me, Kenny…did you have fun while you were here?”

  I didn’t want to have this conversation; it was nothing more than a stark reminder that my time was nearly up. But like with my emotions, I couldn’t ignore it. Instead, I had to face it, accept it, and learn to be okay with it.

  Taking a sip from my glass of freshly poured wine, I nodded. “I really did. And I honestly don’t think it would’ve been anywhere close to the same without you. I’m so thankful that you ran into me my first night here. Otherwise, I don’t know what I would’ve done with my time this past week.”

  “Good. That makes me really happy to hear.” Drew finished unpacking the bags he’d grabbed from The Feeder. It seemed like a lot of food, but it really wasn’t that much. While he’d made sure to have plenty of options, the portion sizes were small, almost as if they were sample items off the menu.

  “I bet you’re looking forward to getting your days all to yourself again.”

  “It hasn’t been too bad. It’s weird because, in the past, this week has always felt ridiculously busy. And honestly, this year hasn’t been any different from previous years, yet I managed to find a lot of free time—free time I never knew existed during this holiday week.” Something was off with him. He sounded normal, except he didn’t seem to look at me very often like I’d grown used to. It was like he purposely settled his gaze on everything around me. Everything but me.

  Doing my best to ignore it and hope it worked itself out, I carried on with our conversation as if nothing was wrong. “Well, at least you don’t have to play tour guide for me, so that should help.”

  Before I could say more, he glared at me with a deeply furrowed brow. “Spending time with you hasn’t been a chore, Kenny. In fact, I’ve very much enjoyed my week with you. It’s probably one of the best weeks of my entire life, if I’m being honest.”

  “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. I just feel really bad, is all. I know you have a lot to do around here; you’ve said before that running this place is a lot of work for two people.” I wasn’t sure why he’d reacted that way, with such concern—or confusion—but as I continued to explain, his forehead began to soften a little, as did his stare. “And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You have seriously given me so many memories that I’ll cherish forever. I was just trying to say that now you won’t feel…obligated to carve out time from your busy day to entertain me.”

  He shook his head and quietly huffed. “I don’t know why you think that way.”

  “Think what way?” Now I was the confused one.

  “Like I haven’t enjoyed every second I got to spend with you.”

  To my surprise, I seemed to have offended him. “I don’t think that.”

  “It’s not my job to hang out with the guests,” he continued, completely ignoring what I’d just said. “In fact, aside from a few boat tours and the occasional cabin maintenance, I don’t have much interaction with visitors. So please, don’t act like you’ve been a burden, or that I’ve done any of this out of some sort of obligation. Because that simply couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  I was at a complete loss for words, and trying to comprehend how one comment could’ve turned into this only made it harder to come up with anything to say in return. So I didn’t. I chose to sit, motionless, on the front of the boat facing him, without uttering a single response.

  As if our exchange had finally resolved itself in his head, he dropped his chin, rolled his shoulders forward, and huffed. “I’m sorry, Kenny. I didn’t mean to overreact; I think it just hit a nerve or something.”

  “It’s okay, but what nerve?” I still didn’t understand.

  He lifted his gaze and met my stare. With his hand on my knee, he leaned closer and prepared himself to explain. “I’ve never met anyone like you before, and spending this last week with you has been incredible—so incredible, in fact, I’m having a hard time accepting that you won’t be here after tomorrow. I don’t know how to handle that, because I don’t even know what I’m feeling.” He threaded his fingers through his messy locks and balled his hands into fists, tugging his hair at the roots. “I’m not making any sense.”

  He wasn’t alone in his feelings. I was right there with him, just as confused and scared as he seemed to be. I was having the hardest time organizing my thoughts and feelings enough to make sense of it all. I had some stored in neat compartments to deal with later, but the bulk of them were haphazardly scattered in chaotic piles that I couldn’t even begin to sort through.

  I scooted forward, practically into his lap, and took his face in my hands. It was natural, as though I’d done this very thing dozens of times before. There was just something about the easy way in which we seemed to be able to comfort one another. “Hey, Drew…” I whispered, lightly pressing my forehead to his.

  He inhaled harshly, filling his chest with a deep, cleansing breath. And when he pulled away and met my stare again, the turmoil in his eyes seemed to have dissolved. I wasn’t sure if I should leave it alone and go on with our evening, or if I needed to assure him that he wasn’t alone. The latter, however, meant I’d have to put myself out there, foolishly admit that I’d done what nearly every other female out there did—I’d managed to take a holiday hookup and romanticize it until my head was filled with fantasies of a forever I was never meant to have.

  “You’re not alone, Drew.” When I noticed his brow begin to furrow again, I caressed his cheekbone with the pad of my thumb and offered the most comforting smile I could muster without a mirror. “Being confused and not making any sense…you’re not alone.”

  “Really? So it’s not just me?”

  I ran the backs of my knuckles along the stubble that painted the side of his face in dark splatter. “No, it’s not just you,” I managed to choke out, yet I didn’t offer anything else. A lump that had formed in my throat at the start of this conversation grew bigger and bigger, preventing me from saying more. Even though I knew he needed to hear it, I just couldn’t seem to form the words.

  His soft lips split into a genuine smile right before returning to the feast spread out in front of us. I was thankful for two reasons: one, for the subject being dropped, and two, for the chance to eat more of this amazing food before it all went cold. I hoped we could just sit here and pick at the different containers, all while talking about anything other than our feelings or what would happen after tomorrow. Those were things I didn’t care to get into at the moment—or ever.

  I wasn’t the type of person who dwelled on too much. I took things as they came, and if need be, I’d make adjustments to fit my own desires. Even during the two most ridiculous relationships in high school, I’d refused to let it get to me. Instead, I had found a solution that would benefit me and no one else. And I took it.

  Unfortunately, I hadn’t found an option like that f
or this situation.

  And I wasn’t sure I wanted to, either.

  Before he could circle our conversation back to us, I jumped in. “Were you serious about what you said earlier…about giving more thought to rebranding this place?”

  If anything, I knew this topic would annoy him, which would steer his emotions in the complete opposite direction. So whichever way it went, I won—we either talked about the resort or something, anything, other than us. I’d call that a win-win.

  It looked as though the slightest hint of annoyance flashed in his eyes but was quickly dispelled with his infectious grin and hoarse laughter beneath his breath. “You don’t quit, do you? I know you said that earlier, but I guess I assumed it was more of a joke. Now I realize it’s not. You’re like a dog with a bone—when you’re onto something, you don’t let up.”

  I shrugged and batted my lashes dramatically, earning a louder, more thunderous laugh. “Feel privileged, because I don’t do this with everything. Only the things I feel really passionate about, or that I truly believe in. Unfortunately for you, I not only feel immensely passionate about this place, but I also believe in it probably more than I believe in my own future. I get these feelings, and you’re right, I can’t let up. Not when I believe, from the depths of my soul, that I’m right.”

  “I just don’t know how you can feel that way after being here for less than a full week. Not to mention, you haven’t even seen the behind-the-scenes stuff to know if it’s doable. How can you possibly believe that much in something you know nothing about?”

  That stung, but I knew it had come from a good place, not malicious in the slightest. “I can’t explain it. Trust me, I wish I could. But this isn’t the first thing I’ve felt this way about, and you should know that I’ve been right about it every single time.”

  “Like what? Give me an example…or two.”

  “Well, when I was a kid, I was supposed to go to this summer camp that all the other kids my age were going to. I was really looking forward to it, so imagine the confusion my mom had when the night before we were supposed to leave, I told her I didn’t want to go. She fought me on it at first, refused to let me back out. But she finally relented when I told her that I just felt differently about it. I’ve already told you about the two guys I dated in high school. I was infatuated with my first boyfriend, but my gut told me not to do what my body and hormones wanted.”

  “What happened at the summer camp?”

  “Fire broke out. More than half of the kids ended up in the hospital for everything from smoke inhalation to burns.” I was able to talk about it freely now, but that had always been something that hit me deep in the chest. What had happened to those kids had scarred me for years, but what got to me the most was how close I was to being one of those hospital patients.

  “Oh, damn,” he whispered, almost to himself.

  “Yeah, which is why I’ve learned to follow my gut. My mom said she’s always been the same, too. But she credits my grandmother for that. She swears up and down that her feelings were never that strong before her mom died.”

  “Are you saying she has premonitions?”

  I laughed at the skepticism in his eyes. “No. Nothing like that at all. Neither she nor I can predict anything. We simply have these really strong feelings about things, and we’ve learned to listen to that little voice in the back of our heads that guides us where to go.”

  “Okay, I get all that. I don’t doubt you have instincts about your own life or things you should or shouldn’t be doing. But this isn’t about you or your life, so why the intensity around it? Why have these non-premonitions about me—or anyone else, for that matter?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t explain it.” Which was the truth. I had never been able to make sense of the few instances when I’d felt strongly about something, only to later find out that my gut instinct had been right on the mark.

  “Can you at least try to explain what it is you feel?”

  That was easy. “It’s just a sense of absolute. With this—you, the resort, the rebranding—I truly feel in my gut that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. Other times, like with the camp thing, I get this heaviness in the pit of my stomach, and I just feel sad. Really sad.”

  “So I take it I shouldn’t ignore your pushes to do more with this place. Is that what you’re saying?”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “I’ve only been telling you this since the beginning.”

  “Can’t argue with you there,” he said with humor lilting his voice.

  We had picked at the food while talking, though I didn’t think we had finished eating when Drew started to pack it all away. “Did I upset you? If so, I didn’t mean—”

  “What? No. Why would you think that?”

  I blinked at him a few times, wondering if I’d gone blind and just started imagining things. When I realized that wasn’t the case, I gestured with an open palm to the food he was putting away and asked, “If I haven’t pissed you off, why are we leaving? The sun hasn’t even reached the point of no return yet.”

  Mischievousness twinkled in his eyes while his smile grew wider by the second. “We’re not leaving. Well, we’re leaving this spot, but we aren’t heading back in quite yet. I have one more surprise for you.”

  “Please don’t tell me I’m going to have to wait hours for this one, too.”

  “No, not even close.” Laughter filled his words, curling my lips along with the sound.

  It took a lot of effort on my part, but I didn’t pester him for hints or guesses. Instead, I helped pack all the containers away in the bags and returned to my spot next to him behind the steering column.

  To my complete surprise, Drew slowly headed toward the steeple. In the back of my mind, I wondered if his intention was to drive through again, like the other day, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. That had been an experience I would never in my life forget. I’d carry it with me no matter where I went, so the prospect of having that experience twice flooded my senses with excitement, hope, and complete happiness.

  As he bypassed the opening and steered us along the side, my bubble popped. I wasn’t upset, only slightly disappointed. I had only myself to blame. That’s what I got for expecting something. Unintentional letdown.

  So imagine my surprise when he changed the direction of the boat as we came around the back of it, the side where we exited last time. I didn’t say anything, though. I didn’t ask questions or interrupt his intense focus as he navigated us through the jagged opening and into the dome of the steeple.

  “I don’t know if you remember or not, but when we came out here the other day, the current guided us from one side to the other. I’m not interested in a quick in-and-out drive-through this time.” He changed the gears until the motor was on just enough to counteract the current coming at us from the other opening. “I thought you might want to watch the sunset from inside.”

  My heart practically jumped out of my chest and into his.

  Without waiting for a response, he quickly moved about the boat, grabbing this from there and that from here, crossing this over that and hooking that to the other thing. Before I knew it, we were tied to grommets, both at the back and front of the boat, the rope stretching enough to keep us relatively in the same place. He’d also hung white bumpers over the side, presumably to keep the boat from repeatedly knocking into the heavy stone wall.

  Taking my hand, he led me to the space in the front where we’d just enjoyed an amazing meal beneath the watercolor sky. “I want you to know how amazing this week has been, and I have you to thank for that, Kenny. You don’t know this, but prior to you coming here, I felt lower than low. I felt like giving up and just going through the motions of life like my dad does. Day in and day out. But then you came along, and you helped me break free from that thought process. I honestly can’t thank you enough.”

  Not expecting to hear that, I was at a loss for words.

  He must’ve sensed my inability
to speak, because he jumped right back in and filled the silence with his beautiful, gravelly voice. “This was only ever meant to be a bit of fun. A moment of companionship. A break from the loneliness that encompassed my every waking hour. But like I told you the first night I met you…I feel like I know you. This entire time, you haven’t felt like a stranger to me. I honestly believe this isn’t the first time our paths have crossed.”

  My silence only worsened, making it extremely difficult to even form sounds at this point.

  I couldn’t do anything more than sit there, struggling to turn the sound of my racing heart into actual words—as in, with real definitions and everything. The bottom line was that, in the morning, this would all be over. It was out of our hands. Regardless of how either of us felt, it wouldn’t change the fact that I couldn’t stay. And he couldn’t leave.

  Rather than say anything else, I offered a tight grin and a one-shoulder shrug.

  This wasn’t who I was; I wasn’t the type of girl to catch feelings for someone who was as permanent in my life as my next breath. Then again, I also wasn’t the one who’d jump into bed with just anyone, yet I’d done that, too.

  I quickly learned that maybe I didn’t know myself as well as I thought. I didn’t have a clue as to what I would or wouldn’t do with him or the next guy. Until Drew, I thought I had a firm grasp on the kind of person I was; I thought I fully understood my character. However, Drew had managed to pull the wool from my eyes and show me the truth. The cold, ugly, hard truth that everything I thought I was, was nothing more than an illusion I’d subconsciously convinced myself of being.

  But as I lost myself in the sight of him, the falling sun painting him in shades of burning flames, I realized something. Maybe it hadn’t all been a lie; maybe I did know who I was. Perhaps I just needed Drew to pull it out of me.

  Without thinking, I practically lunged toward him, wrapping my arms around his neck at the same time our lips met. That was when the world fell silent.